6 Ways to Use Friendly Competition to Meet Your Goals (and Have Fun Doing So)

When I was training for the 2018 TCS New York City Marathon, one of my friends asked if I wanted to run once per week before work. She was (and still is!) a faster, more skilled runner, and keeping up with her was the friendly competition I needed to ultimately achieve my goal of a sub-four-hour marathon time. 

As it turns out, I’m not alone in this. In fact, experts say that friendly competition has a host of benefits for improving athletes’ performance and self-esteem. 

“Human beings are naturally competitive, so a little bit of competition is not only fun, but also can inspire us to push a little harder and reach higher,” says Darby Bonomi, PhD, a sport and performance psychologist.

We spoke with Bonomi and two other mental health experts, all of whom weighed in on how friendly competition can help athletes of all levels achieve their fitness goals—and how to avoid any unfriendliness along the way.

What Is Friendly Competition?

“Friendly competition is a healthy rivalry between individuals or teams where the focus is on personal improvement, enjoyment, and sportsmanship rather than solely on winning,” says  Kanchi Wijesekera, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist and the founder and clinical director of the Milika Center for Therapy and Resilience. “It’s about pushing yourself to be better, while respecting your opponents and celebrating their successes.”

A friendly competition could be anything from participating in an intramural softball league with coworkers to scheduling your next Peloton ride at the same time as a friend. Just seeing a familiar username on the Leaderboard could drive you to go a little harder. 

The Benefits of Friendly Competition

Working towards fitness goals is just one of the many benefits you’ll see when you engage in some friendly competition. It’s a motivating, community-building activity that is as emotional as it is physical. Here are the key benefits of friendly competition, according to experts:

It Creates a Sense of Community

Working out alongside a friend provides a feeling of support, Wijesekera says. These emotional benefits have physiological effects, too, reducing your anxiety and stress. 

With the Peloton App, you can now simulate this environment remotely by building a Team. Add friends and family and set challenges for everyone to achieve together, or go head-to-head against another team member.

It Improves Performance and Self-Esteem

Because you have less anxiety and stress during a friendly competition, Wijesekera says this atmosphere encourages athletes to safely push their boundaries because they’re less worried about feeling judged. 

“Friendly competition can also ignite a spark within athletes, pushing them to work harder, strive for excellence, and improve their own performance,” she says. “Achieving success, even in small victories, can boost self-esteem and confidence.” 

It Gives You Extra Motivation to Achieve Your Goals

“For amateur athletes, competition helps us set goals, measure progress, and stay motivated when we might be inclined to slack off,” Bonomi says. “Competition gives us something to work toward and look forward to as well.”

There’s plenty of research suggesting this as well. In a 2010 study published in The Journal of Social Sciences, researchers found that “the likelihood of joining and staying motivated during exercise increases when friends or peers engage in those same activities.” 

How to Turn Friendly Competition Into an Advantage

Now, how can we put this into practice? Here are a handful of tips (and warnings) from experts about making the most of your next friendly competition: 

1. Set Realistic Goals

You and your friend can encourage each other to achieve personal and shared goals through friendly competition. Wijesekera says that during a friendly competition, it’s best to balance your own achievements with how you can contribute to the success of your friend. One example is to challenge someone to a race and set a goal to beat your previous PR.

2. Talk Through Strategies

Part of what makes friendly competition so “friendly” is swapping advice and ideas, as opposed to concealing them from an opponent. “Take the opportunity to observe and discuss different techniques and strategies with your peers,” Wijesekera recommends. “This can provide new insights and methods that you can incorporate into your own training.”

3. Avoid Negativity and Overcompetitiveness

When you’re competing against a friend, it’s paramount to keep things as light-hearted as possible. “The only danger of friendly competition is when it becomes ‘unfriendly,’” Bonomi says. “If we slide into ‘over-competitiveness,’ then our overly intense drive to win interferes with the enjoyment of the pursuit and our performance, and can lead to emotional distress or physical injury.”

4. Focus on Competing Against Yourself

Bonomi encourages athletes to focus on their own abilities during a friendly competition, rather than zeroing in on a friend’s skills. “Our goal needs to be to show up as the best version of ourselves today, with the aim to improve on our performance from yesterday,” she says. 

5. Take Time to Celebrate

You and your friends should celebrate each other, even if the competition doesn’t result in your favor. “Recognize and celebrate not only your own successes but also those of your competitors,” Wijesekera says. “This builds a supportive environment that benefits everyone’s performance.” 

6. Enjoy the Entire Process

If you aren’t having fun or you feel stressed or overly competitive, you’re not participating in a friendly competition. “By embracing the spirit of sportsmanship and focusing on personal growth, you can reap the rewards of friendly competition and achieve your full potential,” Bonomi says. 

You also don’t want to be entirely focused on winning, notes Bradley Donohue, PhD, a professor in the psychology department and director of family research and services at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. It’s important to enjoy the process, too, not just whether your performance was a traditional “success” or not. “Recognize your efforts in these areas, and later challenge yourself to discover how these things can be optimized in future friendly competitions,” he says.

The Takeaway

Friendly competition creates a sense of community, provides you with a motivation boost, and has the power to improve your athletic performance and confidence levels. When you engage in friendly competition, swap helpful strategies with your opponents, focus on being the best version of you, and take time to celebrate everyone’s performance, regardless of the outcome. And make sure you’re taking inventory of your emotions and feel positive before and after a competition: There’s a fine line between a friendly and classic competition, so it’s paramount that it remains playful and motivational. Look out for feelings of negativity, anxiety, and judgment, all of which indicate that you’re no longer participating in a healthy activity.