How to Show Yourself (and Others) Compassion with Loving-Kindness Meditation

We could all use a little extra love—that much is true. And one powerful yet resoundingly simple practice that aims to bring more love toward yourself, to friends and family, and to the world around you is loving-kindness meditation. It’s a practice that’s rooted in Buddhist tradition and has benefits backed by science today.

But how can this meditation actually change your life for the better? Keep reading to learn more about what loving-kindness meditation is, step-by-step instructions on how to practice it, and the benefits involved.

What Is Loving-Kindness Meditation?

Also called metta meditation, loving-kindness meditation is a specific style of meditation intended to cultivate love, compassion, and happiness for all beings, explains Peloton instructor Kirra Michel. It typically follows a script and includes phrases like “May I be healthy,” “May I be happy,” or “May I live with ease and free from harm,” among others. “It’s been taught and practiced for thousands of years,” Kirra says.

Loving-kindness meditation may hone in on the word “I,” but the focus isn’t limited to only yourself. In fact, it’s anything but a selfish practice. As you meditate more and generate love for yourself, you’ll eventually also send the sentiment outward “to others you know, don’t know, and even those you struggle with,” Kirra says.

How to Practice Loving-Kindness Meditation

Loving-kindness meditation focuses on several phrases that you repeat to yourself. “This is one of my favorite practices, and it’s something I use often,” says Heather Stevenson, PsyD, a psychologist in New York City. Follow these steps to try it yourself:

1. Follow a Loving-Kindness Meditation Script

With this meditation, you will primarily repeat a few different phrases over and over, Stevenson says. There are different interpretations of these phrases, so the exact verbiage you use may differ slightly, depending on the practitioner. Stevenson likes to repeat these four:

2. Focus Inward, and Then Outward

At first, the “you” in each phrase is directed at yourself. But “once we learn how to connect to ourselves with loving kindness, it naturally begins to expand out to others around us,” Kirra explains.

You can extend those warm feelings to a specific person or a larger group of folks, like your neighbors or community members. Then, shift your focus to all people and beings: “Encompass as much of the world and living creatures in it as you can,” Stevenson says. To do this, it might help to imagine smaller circles that extend bigger and bigger. You might also visualize these positive feelings moving out toward or enveloping other people.

3. Honor Any Feelings That Arise

Loving-kindness meditation may leave you feeling good and energized, but you might also feel uncomfortable, Kirra says. Either response is normal—and one that should be embraced. 

“Most of us don’t typically spend time sending love to ourselves,” Kirra says. “Notice any feelings that arise without turning away from them.” With practice, it’ll become easier to give and receive love—to both ourselves and to others. “Like a hard-edged rock in a river, with enough practice and water gently washing over it, the edges begin to soften,” she says.

4. Follow a Guided Meditation

The Peloton App offers Kindness Meditation classes, which are a great resource when you’re new to the practice. Even when you’re more established with this practice, you can still majorly benefit from listening to an instructor. 

“Find a class that resonates with you and is an appropriate length to be able to practice and listen to daily for 30 days or more,” Kirra suggests. Doing so can help cement the practice into your routine and help you get the most out of it.

5. Repeat Regularly

Over time, you’ll probably get more comfortable with the feelings that come up during a loving-kindness meditation, allowing you to take even more value from the practice. “With repetition, these kinds of ideas do start to sink in, and you can quickly start to see a shift from doing it a few times,” Stevenson says. 

6. Use It as a Tool at Any Time

Loving-kindness meditation is there for you whenever you need it, whether that’s in the spur of a difficult moment or planned ahead. 

For example, as part of your morning routine, you might sit in a meditative position and recite the phrases a few times, using the visualization strategies outlined above to touch the lives of those around you. Or, says Stevenson, you can tap into loving kindness in smaller moments. She likes to repeat those phrases if she sees someone who needs some kindness directed their way. “I’ll repeat the phrases in my mind, extending them to others,” she says.

If you’re irritated or upset about something, you can also take a moment to use loving kindness on yourself. “It’s a nice practice to have without being so formal,” Stevenson adds.

Loving-Kindness Meditation Benefits

Loving-kindness meditation is both simple and powerful. Overall, it encourages the development of self-compassion and empathy, supports your mental health, and helps you create stronger connections with others, Kirra says. 

Here’s a closer look at the potential benefits of loving-kindness meditation: 

It Changes Your Energy

If you’re feeling like it’s you against the world or you’re simply having a bad day, loving-kindness meditation may help turn things around. 

“This meditation is a way to generate loving and kindness within yourself, as well as help you extend those feelings to others,” Stevenson says. “Creating these feelings helps calm any upset or unpleasant emotions,” she says.

Post-practice, you may get a powerful boost of positivity. A meta-analysis of 24 studies published in Frontiers in Psychology found that loving-kindness meditation indeed improves positive emotions.

Another study in the journal Mindfulness illustrates benefits of loving-kindness meditation as well. A group of adults who were new to meditation practiced either mindfulness meditation or loving-kindness meditation, and after nine weeks, participants in both groups reported more day-to-day positive emotions. Benefits correlated to how much time they spent using these meditations—the more they practiced, the better they felt.

It Decreases Criticism and Increases Compassion

“You shouldn’t have done that. You aren’t good enough. You don’t deserve that good thing.” Does any of that negative self-talk sound familiar? It’s so easy to pay attention to that nasty voice in your head that says that you’re not good enough. Fortunately, loving-kindness meditation can help take you out of that harmful head space and into a new one of self-acceptance—and, importantly, acceptance of others. 

“So many people deal with heavy self-criticism as well as harsh judgment on ourselves and others,” Kirra says. “Practicing metta allows us to see ourselves and others as humans who are all dealing with elements of pain from time to time. It teaches us to turn towards our and others’ wounds with love and compassion, which tends to be extremely healing.”

It Improves Connection

You don’t need to be friends with someone—or even know them—to better your connection with them. “We don’t live alone in silos on the planet. We’re in communities and are part of a broader population of people,” Stevenson says. “By extending loving kindness out to others, we can tap into a sense of connection. You get the message that someone else’s well-being is connected to your own.”

The overall message here? You’re not in this alone. That’s something that can be difficult to remember, but a loving-kindness meditation practice ties you to others in a really profound way. 

These benefits have been illustrated in a previous study in the journal Emotion, which found that even a few minutes of loving-kindness meditation boosted feelings of social connection and positivity toward others. It could potentially help reduce social isolation, too—something that affects one in three adults in the US and can increase the risk of conditions like heart disease, type 2 diabetes, depression, and anxiety, per the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). 

The Takeaway

Loving-kindness meditation is a type of meditative practice where you extend feelings of love and compassion to yourself, to people around you, and, eventually, to the world. It can cultivate positive emotions, improve compassion and resilience, and boost your sense of connection with others. With a few phrases to remember (such as “may you be happy,” “may you be peaceful,” “may you be healthy,” and “may you be free from harm”), you can use loving-kindness meditation whenever needed during your day.