Practicing Self-Compassion Meditation Can Help You Show up for Yourself—Here’s How to Get Started

The world can be rather harsh—and so can our inner monologues. That internal ticker tape of self-criticism can be meaner than anyone you’d ever talk to—and even worse, it can play on repeat in our minds day after day. 

That’s where self-compassion, which centers on showing up for ourselves, comes into play. But if giving yourself kindness feels unfamiliar, it can feel challenging to put this valuable emotional skill into action. If that sounds like you, or if you could simply use a reminder of how great you are, practicing self-compassion meditation is an accessible, approachable way to get started.

Ahead, learn more about what self-compassion is, how to include it in a meditation practice, and the very powerful benefits involved.  

What Is Self-Compassion?

You can think of self-compassion as the practice of providing patience, love, and generosity towards yourself, says Dr. Chelsea Jackson Roberts, a Peloton instructor.

To better understand what the practice involves, it’s helpful to break down the phrase, says Kristin Neff, PhD, an associate professor at the University of Texas at Austin and author of Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. “Compassion is how we show up for other people’s suffering,” she says. Add “self” to the beginning of the word and it turns it into how we show up for our own suffering, she explains. 

But self-compassion doesn’t come naturally to many of us. Oftentimes, it feels easier to lend compassion to another person—you’d probably never shame or criticize your friend for making a small (or even big) mistake—and yet, many of us don’t lend that same grace to ourselves. 

“There are cultural reasons why most people are more compassionate to others versus themselves,” Neff explains. “We’re not raised with the idea that it’s a good idea, so we grow up afraid that self-compassion means that we’re lazy or self-indulgent, which research disproves.” 

How Can You Practice Self-Compassion Through Meditation?

“When we meditate, we are bringing awareness to the fullness of who we are,” Dr. Chelsea says. “The more we practice being present with our whole selves, the more we increase our capacity to be patient, kind, and generous with ourselves as we navigate life.”

Generally, self-compassion meditation involves acknowledging your suffering (which might stem from making mistakes, failing, or feeling inadequate), accepting it, and then being kind to yourself in return, Neff says. You might be asked to think about a difficulty in your life to start, and rather than avoiding these challenges, you’ll welcome them in. When we acknowledge our suffering and meet it with kindness, we build self-compassion. 

This can be done in small moments throughout the day, but a steady meditation practice can do wonders in helping you learn this skill. It’ll also rewire your thinking for the better by creating new brain connections that make self-compassion more of an automatic response, rather than opting for self-criticism, Neff says.

So how can you get started with a self-compassion meditation practice? Dr. Chelsea recommends the Peloton App’s empathy, kindness, and acceptance meditations, which can help you explore self-compassion techniques and direct your focus.

You can practice self-compassion meditation for as little as five minutes (Neff calls these “self-compassion breaks”) or for as long as 30 minutes or more. If you’re just starting out, you might benefit from trying something on the shorter end, then eventually build up to longer bouts of meditation.

Benefits of Practicing Self-Compassion Meditation

There are so many perks to showing up for yourself with more understanding, acceptance, and kindness. Here are just a handful of benefits of self-compassion meditation:

It Helps You Feel Good

You know how when you’re anxious, your heart races, your breathing speeds up, and your chest feels tight? Self-compassion meditation provides the opposite effect. 

“There’s research showing that self-compassion practice changes your physiology by lowering cortisol and inflammation,” Neff says. That’s because it triggers the rest-and-digest response in your body, which counters that intense fight-flight-freeze response.

It May Boost Resilience

Meditation for self-compassion can also buoy your mental health by improving your ability to cope. 

“We make things worse by blaming or shaming ourselves or ignoring our pain,” Neff says. When we don’t deal with our pain well, there’s a risk of going into a negative spiral, she says, which can promote depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and more. On the other hand, there’s evidence that self-compassion can help reduce feelings of depression and anxiety, particularly in the short term.

It Can Lessen Unhelpful Stress Responses

When something bad happens to another person, our “tend and befriend” response switches on, which is an evolutionary behavior developed to motivate us to look after those in our circle that we're closest to, Neff says. However, that response didn’t evolve to take care of personal threats, and so we often get stuck in a fight-flight-freeze response when something happens to us, she explains. 

Practicing self-compassion, on the other hand, can help you develop a more “tend and befriend” response toward yourself. And because we already know how to do this for others, we do have it in us to do it for ourselves, too.

It Can Strengthen Your Connections to Others

Even though we might find it easier to have compassion for loved ones than for ourselves, we can still be critical of others sometimes. Fortunately, practicing self-compassion meditation can also improve how we show up for others.

“The more we practice self-compassion with ourselves, the more we are able to apply compassion in relationships with other people,” Dr. Chelsea says.

It Can Motivate You 

One of the biggest misconceptions, says Neff, is that having self-compassion undermines motivation—like if you let yourself off the hook, you won’t get anything done or go after your goal. But that’s far from the truth. 

“Research shows that self-compassion is a more effective motivator than self-criticism,” Neff says. “You’re not doing something because you feel as if you have to reach your goals to be worthy, but because you care and want to learn and grow.” This has been shown in her own research in both an academic setting and an athletic setting. In the long-run, this can help you learn from your mistakes and reduce performance anxiety, Neff adds. 

Self-Compassion Meditation Tips

These pro tips can help you make the most out of a meditation for self-compassion:

1. Look at Your Day

There’s no one right time to do self-compassion meditation. “Embrace the time of day that makes most sense for you,” Dr. Chelsea says. When will you get more out of it? Before the day starts to help you commit to showing up for yourself? Before bed to relax and wind down? During your mid-day break or your evening walk? Consider your calendar and plan to meditate whenever it feels most practical for your schedule.

2. Try a Warm-Up

If you find it difficult to get into self-compassion mode, you can start with a deep relaxation meditation, Dr. Chelsea says. “It can help you let go of any barriers that may lead to rejecting self-compassion and acceptance,” she says. (There are tons of these meditation classes available to try on the Peloton App.)

3. Give Yourself Loving Touch

Want to become more open to self-compassion? During your meditation practice (or otherwise), Neff recommends putting a hand on your heart or face. It’s a kind gesture that your brain interprets as calming: “Your body reacts the same way as if someone put a hand on your shoulder,” she says.

4. Show Yourself Grace

If you’re new to self-compassion meditation, it may take some time to feel comfortable with the practice. But remember, there’s no such thing as a “bad” meditator, and you’re doing a great job simply by showing up. “Don’t let your meditation be another place where you are super critical towards yourself,” Dr. Chelsea says. “Practice kindness towards yourself every step of the way.”

5. Find Small Moments to Practice

Meditation is wonderful, but so are small blips of self-compassion that you weave into your day. That could look like:

“The more you practice it, the more self-compassion you gain,” Neff says. These small-but-powerful moments also teach you how to use self-compassion outside of your meditation practice and in everyday life.

6. Give It Time

After one meditation session, you won’t be a changed person—but you will be making small steps to being a more easy-on-yourself, self-nurturing person. 

Over time, meditation changes the neuronal pathways in your brain, Neff says. When you stick with it, you learn to be more present. Meditation alters the way your brain habitually functions, so rather than projecting anxieties about your future, you can go into a more loving, caring place in the now, she explains. But that shift can take time, so stick with your practice and try to stay patient with the progress.

This content is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute individualized advice. It is not intended to replace professional medical evaluation, diagnosis, or treatment. Seek the advice of your physician for questions you may have regarding your health or a medical condition. If you are having a medical emergency, call your physician or 911 immediately.